did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
