He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
