allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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