Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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