I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
