you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
