even my farts smell like vagina
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
