hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
