I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
