You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
