Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
