Umm I'm too high to move.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
