well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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