I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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