ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we're making bets on your personal life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
