She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
