do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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