I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
