omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
