i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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