I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
