This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
