If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How external is "for external use only"?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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