Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
