so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
