You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
