Your dad touched me again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
