so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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