shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
