the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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