Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My life is pants optional.
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