You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
