This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
