When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
