I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
