Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
