I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
