i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
