im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
