Someone shit on the floor
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
