He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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