I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
