Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This toilet bowl is my home.
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