My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
