So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
