god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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