so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
