I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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