Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
