I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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