If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
