If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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