dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
